I will forever think about our perfect, fiery wild cat, Logan. It's still a shock that it even happened and still have these thoughts running through my head, if we had done this or that, would we will have him today? As much as I wish, there is absolutely nothing I can do and it's the worst feeling in the world. Moving forward has been super hard but yes, as everyone says, it does get easier as much as you think it never will.
The room was so still and I hated being in it on my own. Had this continuous feeling that something was missing. I could never just replace Logan of course but getting another kitten was definitely on my mind, living without a cat just seemed so odd now! I started looking for breeders, near and far. I looked at kittens that weren't going to be ready for a couple months and some weren't even born yet. We were so lucky with Logan but Bengal kittens do get reserved pretty fast. I didn't want to rush into it, I just wanted to get in there for when I was ready. But all I could think about was wanting him back. And yes, after having a Bengal, you don't want anything but! I always thought I'd go starlight into a shelter but in the spare of the moment having accepted taking home Logan after a week of knowing him, I have developed an expensive taste in cats! I did briefly look at other breeds but I tragically didn't get the full Bengal experience and I was proud to own such a beautiful cat, he was also super smart. I knew I'd never find a cat as beautiful as Logan (again, not that I wanted to replace him of course!) I thought about looking for a different type of Bengal, so I wouldn't be tempted to compare or anything and just see and love him, for him. I looked at silvers, snows, marbles...I didn't realise quite how many different ones there were! I did learn a lot more about the Bengal, wish I'd known some of it before Logan.
One evening, Edd's mum showed me this kitten that was for sale online. He was a Seal Lynx Snow, I hadn't been looking at snows that much but I very quickly attached myself to this kitten. Now I had seen a few available kittens before and even visited a littler the day before but I wasn't interested at all. I said to myself I'll know when I see him. It'll be when I can say, all I want is Logan...and this one too! I contacted the breeder straight away, he had been advertised since mid day and I was really surprised he was even available still. Apparently people had been in contact but I was the first person to arrange a visit. Turns out the kitten had already been chosen by someone days after he was born but due to unforeseen circumstances, he had to be advertised again.
We came back up to our room after a while and all of I sudden I burst into tears! I just kept thinking it felt way too soon still! The only problem was that he was ready to go then and there but I wasn't sure if I was ready. I didn't want it to seem like I'd forgotten about Logan on that I had moved on. I think it was also because I actually wanted this kitten and I felt like I was betraying him.
We went to see him the next evening, he wasn't that far away either. The cattery they had was pretty impressive. The breeder let him out and he casually trotted out purring away. The breeder called him a 'purr box'. Super cute. I really like his makings, they are already quite dark and they'll get even darker as he gets older. You can guess the rest!
Of course I still miss Logan immensely and I still think about him all the time. We talk about our favourite memories and I look through my images of him often as well as having them on our walls. It was a terrible thing to have happened, heart breaking and I feel for anyone who has lost a pet. I hope now though we can make Oliver as happy as I hope we made Logan.
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